April 2009

It feels like it has been forever. John left in February. We were just starting to get used to him being gone, Ian, Katie, and myself. His mom passed away after a month of him being gone. He was always close to his mother. I have no idea why she always treated him terribly. He came home for 2 weeks and as much as I tried to not get close it is so hard. We have been married for 13 years and this is our fifth deployment. We have had a very rough 13 years. It has been a lot of up and downs in our marriage. However, we have struggled through it and the past year has been the best year of our marriage. I ache with out him and I feel like a part of me is missing. I'm not complete. I would expect this from anyone else but myself. I am very independent and I am not one of those people who need a man in my life to survive. I just ache. Each day that passes I feel like I am counting down the minutes. I hate to be so lonely and depressed. I wish God would give me strength, this has been the hardest deployment by far.